LIFESTYLE 12.01.20
CYCLE #2 IVF
It feels like just yesterday I was sitting down in my office writing our first IVF blog post. But, here we are another round of IVF completed and another round of failure. Infertility sucks.
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From crying on the bathroom floor, to being triggered every time someone you know announces their pregnant, to getting your period as another reminder that you're not pregnant- every single step of this is heart wrenching.
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So, let me first start by writing a letter to the girl walking through infertility.
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Hey there,
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I am so sorry you're walking this journey of infertility. It is not fair, there is nothing that you did to deserve this. The pain of not being a mom doesn't get easier but, you will get stronger. I can promise you that you will see a strength within yourself that you didn't even know was in there. You will be triggered almost daily whether it is from holiday gatherings, pregnancy announcements all over social media, monthly periods, doctors appointments- it is going to happen. But, don't let this steal all of your joy. Believe me it is easy to get consumed in all things baby (I would research until midnight almost every night all things infertility) but, we have to still enjoy the things that we do have.
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I am going to challenge you. I challenge you to do 3 things that you love this week.
-Go on a date night, have a drink with the girls, go to yoga, play with your dog, etc.
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Whatever makes you happy, do it three times this week and soak in every moment of that. I want you to know that you have a God that is bigger than infertility. You have a God that understands the desires of your heart to be a mom and knows the heartache you feel each day. Friend, let me tell you that God has a plan for you that is so perfect. The waiting is hard, and you simply want the baby now. Believe me I get it - but YOUR baby will be here in the most perfect timing. God has a specific purpose and plan for your infertility. If you're like me I am sure you have asked "Why God; why give me this burning desire to have a baby if it's not going to happen?" I was reading a devotional about Infertility and it wasn't until I read this I realized something profound- It states "Our God is an Anyway God, It may seem giving an infertility woman an intense desire to have a baby seems contradictory, doesn't it? However, if you will serve God with an Anyway Faith, you'll see that God works through confusing situations in ways you never could have expected."
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So friend, I know this season is hard and you so desperately want to be on the other side of it but know that you're not alone. You are strong and so brave and I encourage you to share your story and reach out to others who have gone through this. Message me, email me, I am here and I am praying for you.
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Sincerely,
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Another girl struggling with Infertility
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First Cycle X
Second Cycle X
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We changed our protocol entirely for the 2nd cycle and though we received better results it still ended in all abnormal embryos. For the round here is a list of medications and the protocol I was on:
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Supplements: Priming: Medications:
-DHEA -Testosterone Cream -Clomid 100mg
-COQ10 -Gonal F 225mg
-Baby Aspirin -Omnitrope 25mg
-Prenatal Vitamin -HCG 60units
-Vitamin D -Ganirelix
-Trigger: Lupron and HCG
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Due to my low AMH we are unable to get a high quantity of eggs. We were able to pull 8 eggs this time and from 8 eggs, 6 fertilized. From the 6 we had 3 that made it to the blastocyst stage on Day 6. All from a number game this all looked very promising. On day 6 they graded our embryos and we had a BA, BB, and a BB. Great scores and we really thought this time was going to be the one that worked!
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We got our embryos genetically tested which, we found out was 1 girl, and 2 boys and from our testing results all babies were missing chromosomes. One of the boys had extra chromosomes and the embryologist told us that all embryos would lead to a miscarriage and they had a 0% survival rate.
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Even writing this I am still in shock. Shock that now 6 babies have all had chromosome issues when both Chris and I have been tested and do not have any chromosome issues that we could pass down to the babies. Heartbroken for losing 3 more babies, heartbroken that our family isn't starting from this round, just heartbroken.
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What's next for the Bristow Fam?
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Well we have officially been added to the waitlist with a local Adoption Agency and we meet for an information session Dec. 9th! We are so excited for what the future holds for baby bristow. But, we aren't giving up on IVF just yet. We spoke with the doctor today and though there is nothing we can do to help the chances of the babies not having chromosome issues he believes because I am only 27 that there has got to be at least one good egg in there somewhere.
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So, Round 3 we are coming for you, but we are taking a few months off to let my body rest and we pray that the third times a charm!
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If you're struggling through infertility or going through IVF please reach out. I want to help you through this season, and help anyway that I can! Chris and I both believe that God is putting us in the season to help others, so please let us know how we can pray for you and how we can help you with infertility.
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Thank you everyone for all the prayers, the love and support you have shown us. It truly means the world to us!
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xx
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Amanda
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